Current Professors:
Dr. Ochoa
"Take home exams are just torture I don't get to observe"
"Are you giving me sarcastic?"
"If you put a dollar into a box and five dollars comes, you take it and run"
"Do the math. Otherwise they will think you're a magician and magicians usually get killed on the weekends"
*shows a complicated circuit diagram* "This is what you should live for; you should look at this, not other mages online"
"I will remember you after all of this" -- while handing out the midterm
"I got the problem from the Toys R Us website so you could solve it: - on a problem that everybody got wrong
"Do I want to kill you, no. Do I want to torture you, I do not want to answer that"
"On Halloween, instead of asking for candy go, 'knock knock, trick or treat, give me a calculator'"
"My religion is against cheese. That is my religion: anti cheese"
"That's how life goes, you learn to walk, then you learn to take logarithms."
"You don't say you want 2 boxes of cereal, you say you want 2e^i2pi boxes of cereal, and then they give it to you for free because they don't understand."
"Good I am very proud today." - On Carmen answering a question
"You say: Okay, I'm happy.
I say: Nope."
"Italia’s biggest mistake was showing up.” – On Italy getting wrecked by Spain in the Eurocup
"I need to see pain every time I ask a question."
"I'll give you a hint...it's wrong."
"If you sit in front of a lake for six hours, you become inspired..." -- Explaining how to find a solution.
"...and if you touch a metal doorknob, you say 'ouch'...but if you are into masochism, you say 'wow'. " -- On static electricity
"So then you'll show you're parents and say 'I know what peak to peak voltage and input impedence mean' and they'll be so proud and finally love you." -- Refering to a Sound System Specifications Manual
"The trees are going around... no they're not. Why? Because my mom told me. Well, that's not good enough. So maybe the other kids are pulling the trees around. Well, then maybe." -- On the Physics of a Merry-go-round.
"It's not any fun if there's no chance of dying." -- Talking about roller coasters.
"I'll give you a reason to cry."
"Everytime you don't unplug your cellphone, a snowy owl dies."
"Meditate and become one with the electron."
"Are you giving me sarcastic?"
"If you put a dollar into a box and five dollars comes, you take it and run"
"Do the math. Otherwise they will think you're a magician and magicians usually get killed on the weekends"
*shows a complicated circuit diagram* "This is what you should live for; you should look at this, not other mages online"
"I will remember you after all of this" -- while handing out the midterm
"I got the problem from the Toys R Us website so you could solve it: - on a problem that everybody got wrong
"Do I want to kill you, no. Do I want to torture you, I do not want to answer that"
"On Halloween, instead of asking for candy go, 'knock knock, trick or treat, give me a calculator'"
"My religion is against cheese. That is my religion: anti cheese"
"That's how life goes, you learn to walk, then you learn to take logarithms."
"You don't say you want 2 boxes of cereal, you say you want 2e^i2pi boxes of cereal, and then they give it to you for free because they don't understand."
"Good I am very proud today." - On Carmen answering a question
"You say: Okay, I'm happy.
I say: Nope."
"Italia’s biggest mistake was showing up.” – On Italy getting wrecked by Spain in the Eurocup
"I need to see pain every time I ask a question."
"I'll give you a hint...it's wrong."
"If you sit in front of a lake for six hours, you become inspired..." -- Explaining how to find a solution.
"...and if you touch a metal doorknob, you say 'ouch'...but if you are into masochism, you say 'wow'. " -- On static electricity
"So then you'll show you're parents and say 'I know what peak to peak voltage and input impedence mean' and they'll be so proud and finally love you." -- Refering to a Sound System Specifications Manual
"The trees are going around... no they're not. Why? Because my mom told me. Well, that's not good enough. So maybe the other kids are pulling the trees around. Well, then maybe." -- On the Physics of a Merry-go-round.
"It's not any fun if there's no chance of dying." -- Talking about roller coasters.
"I'll give you a reason to cry."
"Everytime you don't unplug your cellphone, a snowy owl dies."
"Meditate and become one with the electron."
Dr. Wiita
"I am being mean today, I have a right"
"It's a good time for someone like me to retire. Otherwise I would just be more disappointed"
"A very very high level language designed for stupid people, that's why we use it in freshman physics classes" -- on Microsoft Excel
"That's just sad." -- on Dan Sprague's recollection of high school French
"It's a good time for someone like me to retire. Otherwise I would just be more disappointed"
"A very very high level language designed for stupid people, that's why we use it in freshman physics classes" -- on Microsoft Excel
"That's just sad." -- on Dan Sprague's recollection of high school French
Dr. Wick
"It's amazing how during the exam time of the year: people get sick all the time, grandfathers and grandmothers die like you cannot believe"
"Breaking the rules is important"
"Ok time for wine"
"He is traveling like this - OH I shouldn't say he. He, she, whatever is traveling like this. This is why you should not talk about living things"
"Civil War. Now that would be a cool thing"
"In life, problems don't exist...I have never faced a problem in my entire life."
"Enjoy beer."
"You wrote down everything I said? ...Mistake."
"Because the answer cannot be anything else." - On being asked by Dr. Nguyen to explain his answer
"How do you teach physics in an unthreatening way?"
"Your ability to understand astronomy is not proportional to your distance from me."
"Homework is like beer and exams are like dinner. That's why you can have both at the same time."
"As you get older, your intelligence asymptotically tends to zero."
"Does God have a wife?"
"I'm not good with numbers."
"It makes me happy to see them struggle..." -- About his Astro 2 class.
"You look like a Communist." -- To Dr. Pfeiffer, who was wearing a bright red turtleneck.
"Breaking the rules is important"
"Ok time for wine"
"He is traveling like this - OH I shouldn't say he. He, she, whatever is traveling like this. This is why you should not talk about living things"
"Civil War. Now that would be a cool thing"
"In life, problems don't exist...I have never faced a problem in my entire life."
"Enjoy beer."
"You wrote down everything I said? ...Mistake."
"Because the answer cannot be anything else." - On being asked by Dr. Nguyen to explain his answer
"How do you teach physics in an unthreatening way?"
"Your ability to understand astronomy is not proportional to your distance from me."
"Homework is like beer and exams are like dinner. That's why you can have both at the same time."
"As you get older, your intelligence asymptotically tends to zero."
"Does God have a wife?"
"I'm not good with numbers."
"It makes me happy to see them struggle..." -- About his Astro 2 class.
"You look like a Communist." -- To Dr. Pfeiffer, who was wearing a bright red turtleneck.
Dr. Magee
"I thought I placed the aluminum plate on this table." -- Andrew Miller "That is the story of my life." -- Dr. Magee
Dr. Capece
"and then if you get a 0 and you can cry about it"
"I don't care if you had a good time, I just care that you are not dead"
"Just find the question you know how to do and just do it right" -- on test taking advice
"I don't care if you had a good time, I just care that you are not dead"
"Just find the question you know how to do and just do it right" -- on test taking advice
Dr. Richards
"I don't care about the students pain, I care about the underlying physics"
Dr. Nesh
"Despite my efforts, I cannot tunnel through the snowbarrier this morning. So, we will not have our class."
Retired Professors:
Dr. Pfeiffer
"Teaching a General Physics class is more difficult than teaching an advanced class. In an advanced class, you can make a mistake and no one will say anything because no one knows what is going on."
"Everyone has looked into a toaster right? If you haven't, you haven't lived."
"If you lived in Zion, you could jump over buildings in a single bound."
"The Earth is made of green apples."
"I love you." -- to his EMT II class.
"I usually use the Force, but you'd all get scared." -- In the process of pulling down a projector screen.
"Writing too small (on a quiz) will strain my eyes, and strained eyes will make me angry, and anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the Dark Side, and you don't want to see the effects of the Dark Side on your grade."
"It's really great, isn't it? Verges on sexy." -- Discussing a fit to theoretical data
"Everyone has looked into a toaster right? If you haven't, you haven't lived."
"If you lived in Zion, you could jump over buildings in a single bound."
"The Earth is made of green apples."
"I love you." -- to his EMT II class.
"I usually use the Force, but you'd all get scared." -- In the process of pulling down a projector screen.
"Writing too small (on a quiz) will strain my eyes, and strained eyes will make me angry, and anger leads to hate, and hate leads to the Dark Side, and you don't want to see the effects of the Dark Side on your grade."
"It's really great, isn't it? Verges on sexy." -- Discussing a fit to theoretical data
Dr. Gleeson
"No, but thanks for trying."
“This isn’t your mother’s eigenfunction.”
“The thing comes poppin’ out of the bra [vector].”
"I want the trees coming down... chopped into little pieces." -- On the length and detail of a QM Mathematica program.
"The Devil's in me!" -- After giving in and using colored chalk.
"He's getting in touch with his feminine side." -- In reference to John's pink shirt with a heart on it.
“I’m probably going to die soon.” -- On why he will not see many more discoveries in particle physics.
“This isn’t your mother’s eigenfunction.”
“The thing comes poppin’ out of the bra [vector].”
"I want the trees coming down... chopped into little pieces." -- On the length and detail of a QM Mathematica program.
"The Devil's in me!" -- After giving in and using colored chalk.
"He's getting in touch with his feminine side." -- In reference to John's pink shirt with a heart on it.
“I’m probably going to die soon.” -- On why he will not see many more discoveries in particle physics.
Dr. Becker
"I've said this so many times I might as well lightmyself on fire."
"My mythical god has eight arms and brings peanutm&m's"
"Hang on while I phlegm out those grits."
"Let me gorilla this out of here real quick."
"My mythical god has eight arms and brings peanutm&m's"
"Hang on while I phlegm out those grits."
"Let me gorilla this out of here real quick."